If someone is about to step in front of a speeding car, then pushing them out of the way will probably have a better outcome than asking them if they want to reconsider.
Asking a friend if they want to go for a walk with you will probably be more effective than saying, “You need to lose weight.”
People push each other all the time. It’s simple and doesn’t take much thought. Almost instinctive. Sometimes, it’s the only thing that will work. Most of the time though, there are alternatives to pushing, and sometimes those alternatives lead to better outcomes.
Pushing an object increases the probability that the object will move in the direction we are pushing it. We can count on that. It works on cattle and sheep as well. However, people are a lot more complicated. They don’t like being treated as a thing, or herded like sheep. They often resist being pushed, even by very subtle methods. The human paradox is that pushing can decrease the probability that a person will do what we are trying to get them to do. That can be very frustrating.
To push, or not to push. The only way to know what works better in any given situation, is to have a very clear picture in mind of what a good outcome looks like, and then to think realistically about how our actions will affect the probability of that kind of outcome. Not just what we think should happen, but what the odds really are when we think about it.
